


Valentine's Day

by mafia_V



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Established Relationship, Grief/Mourning, I fell asleep to a Linkin Park song and woke up with this in my head, I made myself sad and so I had to share that sad, M/M, brief discussion of a heart attack, but like.... real life adjacent, canon divergence works I guess lolol, this isn't quite set in real life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:47:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27212179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mafia_V/pseuds/mafia_V
Summary: X33N visits someone special for Valentine's Day.
Relationships: Jordan Maron/X33n
Comments: 1
Kudos: 13





	Valentine's Day

**Author's Note:**

> I fell asleep listening to Valentine's Day by Linkin Park playing on loop.
> 
> [Here's the song.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KAFOpywZbMM)

The alarm clock startles him awake.

It always does; Jordan would laugh at him if he were here. X33N rolls over with a groan and smacks at the buttons until the annoying song is cut off mid-note. He used to like this song. Stupid Pavlov.

As comfortable as the soft sheets are, X33N knows he can't stay in bed. He has some important plans for today, and he has to get moving. He pushes up onto his elbows and squints at the bright numbers on the digital face of the alarm clock. 11:47. He has plenty of time to get up, ready, and out the door to run his errands.

It takes him a while, but X33N eventually manages pajamas and coffee, and he sits on the couch in the living room feeling a little bit more alive with every sip. Ah, caffeine. Gotta love it. Glancing down at his watch reveals that it's nearing half past noon. He needs to throw on clothes and get out to the store before all the good flowers are gone. He knows he won't be the only person who's shopping last minute. With a great sigh he heaves himself up off the couch and, on his way past the kitchen to the stairs, sets his coffee on the counter to be retrieved later. He uses the banister as much as his legs to haul himself up the stairs.

Once back in the bedroom X33N wrestles out of the plain white t-shirt he uses as pajamas and kicks off his blue plaid sweatpants, From the closet he selects a pair of black slacks and a nice collared white shirt. Usually he would wear a suit jacket as well, but he opts for a simple black vest under his favorite leather jacket instead. He leaves the collar and a few buttons of the shirt open. Looking in the mirror, X33N combs down his hair with his fingers and adjusts his clothes. Jordan would swoon. A flash of gold catches his eye, and he touches his ring with a small smile.

X33N returns to the kitchen to pick up his coffee mug and then beelines for the door. The time is 12:55 and he has a flower arrangement to purchase. He slips on his shoes and then he's out the door.

He gets to the store and, as expected, it's quite busy. X33N doesn't mind. He's done this a couple years in a row, now. He finds his way to the florist area, and his usual order is already waiting for him. He smiles gratefully at the older woman behind the counter and scoops up the vase. Roses and carnations. Perfect. He swings by the booze aisle and picks up a mini bottle of Jordan's favorite wine.

The lines to check out aren't too bad. His cashier is a polite younger man with a high voice who works quickly. The cashier scans his items and X33N declines a bag for the split, opting to put the small bottle in his pocket instead. The cashier looks at the arrangement in his arms, and then glances unsubtly down at his left hand.

"Last minute supplies, eh ?" The cashier asks. X33N smiles sheepishly. "You're not the only one," the man says, gesturing at the line behind him. several other people have varying amounts of flowers, chocolate, wine, steaks, and candles.

X33N chuckles. "I'm always last minute with this day, I'm afraid."

X33N pays for his items and the cashier sends him off with a cheerful, "Happy Valentine's Day !" X33N waves in acknowledgement of the send-off before heading outside and to his car. He's got a bit of a drive ahead.

When he nears his destination X33N starts paying closer attention to roadsigns. The turnoff for the street he needs gets a little more obscured by tree growth every year. He spots the reflective green of the sign, and makes the turn onto a narrow road, tapping the breaks to slow down. He slowly trundles past an old but elegant building, and then onward. The layout of the roads here can be confusing but he's visited this spot often enough in the last three years that he knows exactly where he needs to go and how to get there. The car crawls past row after row after row of people before he finally makes a left turn near the back of the lot. Halfway down, he rolls to a stop. X33N takes the key out of the ignition and leaves it on the driver's seat. He scoops up the flowers and a folded blanket from the passenger seat and steps out of the car.

There he is.

X33N carefully sets the vase down, and then leans down to press a short kiss against cold, smooth stone. He runs his thumb back and forth across the dark marble, trailing his fingers down to touch the chiseled name and dates on the front face of the stone. He smiles, a small, sad little thing, and lays out the blanket so he can sit down.

"Hi, Jordan."

The stone doesn't answer. X33N doesn't know why part of him still wishes it would.

"Happy Valentine's Day." He swallows. "I brought your wine again," X33N says quietly, slipping the bottle from his pocket. He opens it, pours a little bit out on the grass, and then closes it and sets it next to the flowers. He won't indulge until he's home later and has no more driving to do.

"It's been a while since I last came by. I'm sorry for that. Things got busy at work. They should calm down again soon, and then my visits can be more regular again for a while." X33N leans one shoulder against the headstone. "I miss you. I haven't left our house yet. It feels too much like leaving you behind." X33N laughs softly. His eyes are starting to sting, a little. "Which is stupid. You wouldn't want me to—" his breath hitches, "—to be so damned sad."

The first tears slip down his face, and X33N sniffles and then sighs, placing his head in his hands. Even through his jacket he can feel the cold surface of Jordan's headstone. It's nothing like his comforting warmth. It's awful. X33N  _ hates _ it, hates this, hates missing him and hates feeling like someone took a serrated spoon and scraped out his chest like a pumpkin.

"I miss you," X33N repeats, his voice cracking as more tears cascade down his face. They drop off his chin and onto his pants leg and he's powerless to do anything but sob and watch. He wishes Jordan could hold him. He wishes Jordan was here.

They never even got to celebrate their first wedding anniversary. They never even made it to six months.

Gods, that morning.... X33N presses the heels of his hands into his eyes in a vain attempt to stop the tears and the memories.

Jordan had been complaining of pain in his leg for a while, but he wouldn't listen to X33N's suggestion of going to see someone about it. He insisted that he was fine, that it would pass. Then, one evening, Jordan started coughing, and said that his chest hurt. X33N was beside himself with worry, but Jordan waved it off once more.

"I'll be fine," he'd said. "I'm just gonna go to bed. Maybe resting will help it." At X33N's worried glare, he sighed. "If it's still this bad tomorrow I'll let you drive me to the hospital," Jordan reassured.

"Okay," X33N agreed uneasily.

He never got that chance.

The next morning when X33N rolled over to kiss his husband good morning, Jordan was long since cold and unmoving. A blood clot, the doctors told him later. Sudden cardiac arrest. We're sorry for your loss.

X33N shudders out a sob. Gods, but he misses Jordan. He wants nothing more than to pull him close, tuck Jordan up against his chest and never let go. He should have been more insistent that Jordan go to the hospital. Maybe if he'd forced the issue Jordan would still....

X33N shakes his head sharply to chase away the thought. He can't dwell on what ifs. He can't. It could destroy him.

X33N eventually cries himself out. He leans heavily against the stone. The sun is starting to set. He lifts his hand to trace over the information inscribed in the marble once more.

Jordan Maron

Beloved Husband

February 10 1992 — June 17 2023

X. Maron

October 5 1987 —

X33N swallows around the tight feeling in his throat. Someday he'll join Jordan here. Not soon, but someday. Until then he can keep coming here, and maybe eventually the pain will lessen.

"I love you," he murmurs quietly.

The dusk is growing around him. X33N clambers up onto his feet. He shakes out the blanket and folds it over his arm. He caresses the flowers he brought, white roses and red roses and red carnations, and then he leans down to leave one more kiss on the top of the headstone before he climbs back into the car and slowly drives away.

Their third anniversary is in a few weeks. The end of February. He'll be back, probably even before then, with fresh flowers.


End file.
